I’m confused, since this is where I would usually put the subheading from The Daily Post, but it appears as if things have changed, and I haven’t adapted yet.

To my .534 fans out there: Hey! I’m back!

I was going to start out by saying how it’s been a while since I’ve blogged, but then I realized how many blog posts I’ve started in this same way and I had to stop myself. Blogging every day is hard… but here’s why I’m back: 

-I only go to work two days a week (I had a second job at a restaurant that recently had a fire, so I am half-jobless), so I have way too much free time on my hands

-I’m usually terrible about keeping up with habits, but I’ve recently been keeping up with other things like going to the gym, keeping a bullet journal, etc. (also influenced by my sudden abundance of free time)

-I was taking a lunch break at work and got bored

So The Daily Post wants me to think of something based on the topic “Empty,” with absolutely no context or structure. This is a dangerous game they’re playing with such an angsty writer as myself. Don’t they know my mind will immediately latch onto the idea of the emptiness as an emotion?

Stop. Think happier thoughts. Go.

When I think of the word “empty,” the first thing I think of (after purely angsty emotions) is the idea of tabula rasa: a blank slate. The idea is very appealing; I’m an eternal optimist when it comes to starting things, but I often find myself disappointed by the situations I end up in, whether it’s with jobs, relationships, or even just everyday events. Wouldn’t it be great to just go into every situation with a rosy outlook on life and leave things as they are when they turn out not to be what you expected? That’s certainly how I lived my life growing up. To some extent, I still do, though it’s not something I’m proud of.

After 20-something years, I’ve finally figured out that you can’t wipe all the chalk away when erasing a slate. The first few times, it looks pretty convincing, but then someone makes a scratch on it that won’t erase, then some kid decides to draw a penis with a permanent marker, so you have to draw over it to make it look like a deformed flower, taking up even more of your slate’s precious real estate. You could just keep scrubbing away at it, hoping it’ll go back to how it was before, but now the penis/flower drawing is smudged across the entire surface and the chalk doesn’t write properly anymore since the chalk dust keeps coagulating on the wet surface…

This is me trying to think happier thoughts.

My point is, sometimes having a blank slate isn’t the best option, even after disappointment and regret. For the sake of this extremely cliched metaphor, I’m switching from a slate to a canvas: I’ve always loved impressionist paintings not only for their beauty but also because of their imperfections. You know what’s supposed to be there, but you also see all of the seemingly random brushstrokes shamelessly covering the entire canvas, proclaiming their imperfection as a different brand of perfection…

You get the idea.

Long story short: things that are hard in life are the most rewarding. Writing it now, it seems so obvious to me. Saying it and living it, though, are two very different things, like saying I’ll write a blog post every day, then not at all writing a blog post every day…

… or like saying I wouldn’t be angsty then writing really angsty stuff. I’ll cross my fingers and hope that tomorrow’s prompt is “Happiness” or “Puppies.”



2 thoughts on “Empty

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s